An old man descends the narrow back stairs of his Iffley Road three-decker. He is headed for the basement, a trip he’s taken countless times over many years. It is a fine basement, relatively clean and adequately lighted, though not “finished” like those basements with bars and pool tables and giant TVs. No, this is a traditional “functional” concrete-floored underground space, overflowing with stored items and laundry machines and gardening and house maintenance paraphernalia and many many bicycles, most of them placed reasonably out of the way. If there is clutter here, one could point to the abundant shelving, stuffed with cardboard boxes, for the most part. Some of these boxes have not been opened in a long, long time. “Out of sight, out of mind” is both an asset and a liability when it comes to basements.
The man heads straight for a particularly egregious example of neglect, a box overflowing with outmoded and mostly nonfunctional electronic devices. The presence of this box is not as sordid as one might think; it reflects the fact that the man is responsible enough to never throw such items in the trash as most corrupt people do, but to take them to a city “hazardous waste day” site at the proper time where they will be disposed of properly, as the saying goes. Of course, such days are rare and randomly scheduled and easily missed, especially by an absent-minded old man like himself, but he has good intentions. He always has good intentions.
The man pulls an especially dusty and neglected-looking piece of silver and black plastic out of the box, an ancient cassette player. In his day, the man once gave and received countless mixtapes, all of them curated with much care and love, but that was a long time ago. In no way could the thing possibly still function. But look! It has a cassette inside that starts to unwind as he presses the “play” button! This contradicts the man’s last memory of this device, when pushing “play”, or “fast forward” or “rewind” had resulted in nada, bupkus, crickets. What he hears is the following:
“Hello, Jim. Your mission, should you choose to take it on, is to attend the current Art In Bloom event at the MFA, where you will find numerous temporary flower arrangements mixed in with the artwork on display there. These flowers are scattered throughout the three floors of the massive building, with its many rooms connected by a byzantine and downright confusing network of hallways and corridors that are in no way straightforward or logically designed. The intent is for people to linger and savor what is on display. To put it simply: this ain’t no supermarket or drugstore, Jim. Your and the IMF team’s mission, Jim, is to attend this event and to peruse and savor each of the floral displays shown on the enclosed map, while also paying attention to any of the regular art displays that capture your fancy, while documenting your adventure. You and the team must accomplish this task in one complete sweep of the building, with no rest or food stops. Leave no floral arrangement out of this effort, though of course the more uncreative and boring ones can be glanced at in a perfunctory manner, before the team moves quickly on. You will have to be efficient, and move along in a manner that respects the crowds of people that might hinder your progress. There will be no pushing or shoving, Jim; you will be expected to move like fish through a crowded aquarium, going with the flow at all times. Good luck to you and the team, as always, and likewise this tape will self-destruct in a nifty wisp of smoke in 20 seconds. And Jim, recycle all this electronic junk sooner than later, okay? For the good of the planet.”
The man is puzzled for a moment. Who is Jim? he ponders. But he knows what to do nonetheless, and the rest will be history, as isn’t everything “history” in the end?
The man and his Impossible Mission Forces (IMF) partner proceed to their meeting with destiny on the opening moment of the opening day of the event in question. They have done their homework, subjecting the maps and envisioned routes to thorough analysis, using all their previous experience playing Chutes and Ladders, Parcheesi, Chinese Checkers, those maze puzzles from the Sunday newspaper and whatever else might apply. They know what to do and how to do it. They will move through the crowded space like a hot knife through butter, while not missing a trick. They will notice what they notice and never know what they might’ve missed, as it goes with these things.
And all the while they will ponder deep questions like What is Art? and What is Beauty? and Who is that Woman (The One With the Flowers in Her Hair)? and they will expect no easy answers, or any answer at all.
They will have a splendid time the whole while, and even afterwards, while savoring the memories. Whether they achieve the impossible is anybody’s guess.
